The AMERICAN bonus List for the Week...

'Merica...AMIRIGHT?!?!?!

I'm happy to live in this country...because damn it...I love pork products. Meat...in general...is pretty great...

Here's a list of the most "Merican things I can come up with...

1) New York City...
2) Tampon Commercials...(we don't give a shit)
3) Diarrhea Medicine Commercials (we have no choice but to shit)
4) Pizza... (fuck off, Italy...it's ours now)
5) Big Screen TVs...
6) Red Meat...
7) The KFC Double Down...
8) The Steak Double Down that I never got to see eaten but was attempted by a guy I know the day after I left my TDY location a few years ago...Not only did he demolish it...but then went on to squat the weight of not 1 or 2 or 3...but 4 fully loaded C-130 Aircraft in 135 degree heat with 100% humidity...long story short...FLEX is the man...
9) Captain America...(no shit?)
10) Twilight Zone Marathons on every major holiday (thanks SYFY...)
11) Mel Brooks (he got comedy before comedy was comedy...)
12) The 'Fonz...
13) Muscle Cars...
14) Bacon
15) The Baconator (too bad Wendy's food is shit...)
16) Complaining about elected officials on 24 hour news networks...
17) Bitching about new stuff once you get the new stuff that wasn't the new stuff you wanted...
18) My Super Sweet Sixteen...and while I'm on the subject...
     The above mentioned show is one of the biggest piles of shit to come out of MTV since the last time they decided to drop a big Cleveland Steamer on the chest of America when they stopped showing real music videos. We should probably blame you for influencing the youth of our nation by showing them how great it is to be raised rich. Nevermind...I blame the parents that let their kids even watch that garbage. You're part of the problem...parents...quit letting them watch that shit and maybe it'll go away...Nobody should let their kids carry on like that because the brand new Lexus they got wasn't the right color...WHAT?!?! YOUR BRAND NEW LEXUS ISN'T THE RIGHT COLOR!? I kind of want to smash that kids' head in with a gold plated hammer right now...put that kid in the middle of a bad neighborhood for just 60 seconds...just 60 magical seconds...and videotape it...because I will buy, watch, rewind and watch over and over and over again...
19) Ordering take-out online...
20) E-Harmony...
21) Ordering Groceries online...
22) Black People Meet
23) Christian Mingle
24) Anything that doesn't require talking to anybody, ever...
25) Batman...
26) The Cheeseburger (fuck you, Germany...it's ours now)
27) Apple Pie cooling on a windowsill while a couple of no-good street toughs concoct a plan to steal the aforementioned pie...
28) Archie Comics...
29) Bum Fights...
30) Girls Gone Wild featuring Snoop Dogg...
31) Back to the Future...
32) Stephen Spielberg...
33) The Universal Monsters...
34) Arena Rock...
35) Rock and Roll in General...
36) The Blues...
37) Gindhouse Cinema
38) Bruce Campbell...
39) The Miss USA Contest...
40) Monday Night Football...
41) Beer commercials where nobody ever drinks the beer...
42) Menthol Smokes...
43) Cheech and Chong...
44) Phantasm....
45) Anything by Clive Barker, Geroge Romero, Wes Craven, and the rest of our 70s-80s horror gods...
and finally...
46) Riding on the back of a giant bald eagle while raining fire down on your enemies listening to Ted Nugent play the National Anthem and eating a rare steak while firing flaming arrows into the sky as explosions occur directly behind you while you wear your Apollo Creed US Flag boxing shorts immediately after your training montage...simply beautiful...

Happy Independence Day to my fellow US Americans...my deployed buddies in The Iraq and The Afghanistan other countries that don't have maps...

Hit the comments with your most 'Merican thoughts...and share this blog with your friends because there's nothing more American than...

47) Shameless promotion of your ideas through friends...

Lunatic...Out...