I've taken quite a few road trips in my short and mostly uneventful life...from Alaska to New Jersey...down to Texas...Flordia...really...all corners of these United States...
You learn a bunch...so...
Here's a list of things I learned about travelling...
1) Cars get smaller the longer you are in them...
2) Towing things adds an entirely new worry...
3) Nobody knows how to merge onto an expressway...
4) The worst drivers are from New York, California and Texas...*
(*My reasoning for this is as follows...if you pass them while using cruise control...they will intentionally speed up to pass you back...they cross multiple lanes at mach speed with little to no regard for anyone else on the road...they don't signal...they don't care for your speed, especially when cutting you off...all in all, they're just a bunch of jerkoffs behind the wheel of a 5 thousand pound death machine...)
5) Nobody ever leaves Delaware or North Dakota...
6) License plate counting never gets old...
7) Colorado has a diverse array of license plates...all of which I hate...
8) Kansas is the worst...
9) The mid-west holds some really ugly people in...
10) Denver is a city...and also the name of a dinosaur from the 80s who claimed to be the last of his kind...
11) The worlds largest rodent is named Rosco...
12) Rattlesnakes are capable of petting baby pigs...
13) The worlds largest wind-chime is in Kansas...
14) The further West you go...the stranger the town names become...
15) The Blimpie in Green River, UT is the cleanest place I've ever eaten at*
(*Keep in mind...this place was at a run-down truck stop in a town that smelled funny...in the middle of Utah...so...way to go Green River Blimpie...)
16) Some places have more flies than food...
17) I can only handle the tounge clicking noise for .06 seconds...
18) Most top 20 stations only have that many songs...
19) Mountains are tall...go figure...
20) Colorado warns truckers that there are more steep grades ahead...how considerate...
21) Runaway truck ramps work...
22) Holiday Inn isn't bad...
23) The wind is out to get you...
24) America loves Taco Bell...
25) Gas prices go up the further West you go...
26) I-70 is fucking long...
27) Screw you, Kansas...
28) Dairy Queen is pretty good after 5 days of travel...
29) Birds aren't car proof...
30) I can lift a trailer...
31) Many people are loud and boorish...especially those in Hotels...
32) Old people have interesting stories about Mexico...
33) Rum and coke in Ohio tastes the same as it does anywhere else...
34) Kansas City has late night street races on I-435...(cops...ignore this...)
35) There are a lot of Camaros out there in the world...but only East of Colorado...
36) I grind my teeth while I drive...
37) Pizza Hut wings are not very good...
38) Arriving at your destination is almost like winning an election...you're done with travelling and all...but there's always more to do...
39) Seriously...Fuck Kansas...
40) If you have a tarp for the things you're hauling...it's important to also purchase a cargo net...to keep the tarp down...for serious...it made my freakin day when I didn't have tarp flapping about all over the place in my rear-view...
The trip is over but long from finished...we'll fly from Vegas back East next week...so maybe I'll learn a bit from that excursion as well...
Stay Frosty...
Lunatic...out...
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