The Weekly List of Important Things!

It's sometimes difficult to come up with a list of things...terribly difficult. You can look for inspiration in just about everything...so today...

Here's a list of things that piss me off (this week)

1) Poorly scripted newscasts...
2) Intolerant assholes...
3) The stupidity of people in large groups...
4) The hypocrisy of those same people...
5) Humidity...
6) Losing at Super Smash Brothers...
7) Chef Lilian Garcia (still)...
8) People who think taco Bell is Mexican food...
9) Inconsistent weather patterns...
10) Poachers...
11) Syria...
12) The remake of "Nightmare on Elm Street"...
13) Richard Matheson dying...
14) Doink The Clown (also dead)...
15) Television ads that have nothing to do with what they're selling...
16) Gnats...
17) The color Orange...
18) People that think wrestling is real...
19) People who use the "blank week Anniversary" Anniversary implies a year has passed...you dipshit...
20) Bad speeeeeeeeellers...
22) Thunderstorms...
23) Thunderstorms when you're doing something outside...
24) Party Planning...
25) My lack of a guitarist...
26) James Van Der Beek (screw you Dawson)...
27) Justin Effing Bieber...I mean, seriously...what a little turd...runs around like his shit don't stink even and has this total sense of being owed something because he can sing...I can't wait until he's on celebrity rehab or something and then has an unfortunate overdose that doesn't kill him...but leaves him desperate for more drugs,...so desperate, in fact, that he has to do unspeakable things in dingy alleyways behind drug stores in order to score his next fix...and then when he's caught, he makes some silly youtube apology where he still will probably act like the total douche-nozzle he is...then he gets feline AIDS and dies...
28) Usher...for exposing the world to the little bastard up at number 27...
29) Justin Bieber again for even making me mad enough to include him in one of my lists...
30) Entitled 20 somethings...(still feeding off the hate)
31) Entitled 60 somethings...
32) State Farm commercials...
33) Disney...all your programming is terrible...your sitcoms are the worst thing I've ever seen...your stars are anything but...and your father figures on said shows are always left looking like retards...
34) Jeff Dunham...Achmed The Dead Terrorist was funny for 36 seconds a few years ago...so stop it
35) People who still post Achmed the Dead Terrorist videos like they're new...see above...
36) The Wicked Witch of the West...where do you get off....I mean...who do you think you are?
37) People who consider anything on grocery store news-stands as actual news...No...I don't fucking care that Kate Middleton is pregnant and I don't give a shit what the gender of the baby is...those assholes don't even know who you are...so why should we be made to pay attention to them?
38) People who take offense to the above comment...
39) People who take offense to anything...unless it effects you personally, in a physical manner...let it go...no use losing sleep over it...
40) Jason Patrick...ewwwwwwwww...
41) The excuse that you're too fat to work out...seriously...you work out to not be fat...so get off your ass and jog a little...

It's a short list...but those were the things that came to mind...what pisses you off?

Please comment below and let me know. I've been at this a week now and nobody else seems to have an opinion...which is strange since the internet provides everyone with a big set of internet balls, which enables them to feel that they can say whatever they want...because they can...

Anyway...

Lunatic Out...

What is Best in Life?

Fooled you...

This isn't a post about Conan the Barbarian...though it would make for a great conversation starter...

But seriously...think about that question. What really IS best in life? Depending on who you talk to...the range of answers can be something as mundane as sitting in silence...all the way up to bat-shit insane...like bathing in the blood of virgins to keep that youthful vigorous look about your skin...

Needs more iron...

What gets me the most is that ever present search for things that make us happiest. For example, I know people who crave nothing more than to own everything ever. Material items bring them joy and showing them off brings them satisfaction...it's kind of the human condition. I don't know if it's innate in all human beings to want that...to equate personal wealth to happiness...

Racecars...Lasers...Aeroplanes...

Listen...if acquiring vast amounts of wealth is what makes you happy...then by Buddha you DO IT...get that paper, son/daughter/child...because it isn't gonna get itself. That only happens to octogenarians who happen to play the lotto every day of their super old lives...

Sometimes, it's having a great, big family is your path to happiness. Lots of folks do it. Their children...their offspring...their mark on the world. That's where their happiness lies. Sometimes, people parley this particular love of family into a budding business. I see on the old boob tube there's a family with 20 kids or something. That lady's insides probably resemble the New York City Subway...with displaced travelers...people talking to themselves...some guy sleeping with his beats headphones on listening to some college rock with an open copy of "Atlas Shrugged" slumped across his chest. Also...there's a homeless guy shitting in the corner for some reason...

Speaks for itself...

I won't denounce people spewing out kids at their leisure. As long as you can support them childrens...you bang it out, baby...but if you end up on Maury Povitch looking for the father of the baby and collecting them welfare checks cause your kids are walking dollar signs...please place your neck on some railroad tracks and wait for the 4 o clock...because you're lower than worm shit and deserve to die...

As for me...I find my happiness where I can get it. There isn't one single thing that brings me the elation that something else does. I find happiness in it all. Every day above ground, sucking in oxygen, is a reason to be happy. There's a lot to bask in when you really take a minute, a deep breath and a look around. Music, art, human interaction (with people you can stand) and the occasional "someone falling" is a reason to let out a laugh every now and then...it'll make you feel good...most of the time...

I laugh every time someone falls down...and you should too...

Lunatic Out...

Cause Boobs is What We Crave...

I dare you to go find a magazine...watch TV...read a book...hell...look at the internet.

What you'll find, many times, is something scantily clad, trying to sell you something...or make you stop wearing fur...or stop you from eating meat (delicious meat)...

Sex sells...oh boy does sex sell. There's nothing more boner-inducing (for some people) than a barely clothed model doing something suggestive with a piece of electronic equipment. That'll get you to buy it, right?

Tastes like capitalism...

The above image is something that is thrust in our faces on a daily basis. The sexy electronics chick. Man...I wonder what that laptop tastes like. My guess? Snozzberries...

Which leads me to my point. I had to sit in on yet ANOTHER meeting about sexual assault today while at work. 30 more minutes of my time...simply wasted on a problem that has always been a problem until people in high positions get caught being a part of said problem. My particular peer-set is supposed to be held to higher standards in our sweet country due to standards of discipline and good conduct...and yet these awful things keep happening. We say we've got to put a stop to it...

Of course, I find this particular idea absolutely ludicrous...and here's why...

BAM! BUTT AND VEEJ FRAGRANCES!

Our "culture" in this country is the problem. It slaps us in the face on a daily basis. What the aim for my group of people to do...is to stamp it out completely. We want to strangle it in the cradle and bury it in the back yard near the other terrible things...

It's not just about the ladies though...

Some Fancy Ketchup with your schwooper?

While more rare, these ads target the ladies as well...and we accept it. If you want to stomp out sexual assault, you can do it in one of three ways...

1) Immediately murder the sexual assaulter/rapist upon conviction...with a sledgehammer...in front of high school freshmen...

While recent events (the football player who was locked up for years even though the accuser later admitted to lying) could make this particular punishment seem rash...it would certainly deter anyone from wanting to sexually assault/rape anything...

2) Sex Contract...Chapelle had it right...

3) Ban anything even remotely sexual. Sanitize all media. Live like a drone. Die.

Imagine...if you will...a society of Robutts...

Long story short...none of the above scenarios are going to happen...so our "culture of the sexy" will persist...and probably intensify in the coming decades. You're never going to stop sexual assault/rape from being a thing. Animals great and small...suck like that. There are some of us out there that simply can't resist finding something to rape and then raping it...and those fuckers deserve an Anton Chigur style death. Taking on something as massive as this with unrealistic expectations of destroying it out-right is like dry humping a block of ice. Sure, it might feel ok at the start...but all you're going to end up with is frozen genitalia, wet clothes...and a pool of water and shattered dreams at your feet. If that doesn't make any sense to you...you're absolutely right...

-T

LeBron X Denims...A story about killing for shoes...

I've had a bunch of shoes in my short life. Plenty of types in fact...

But have I ever had to kill to get them? The right answer here is of course "No. I've never had to kill...for shoes..."

This little gem of a story made me chuckle for a few reasons...the first of which was that the shooting in question has been justified in some sort of strange way. We, as a thinking and sometimes rational species tend to want certain things in life. I, for example, would love to own a platinum car that turns into a representation of Grimlock from the Transformers. Admit it...that would be rad. The dead guy I'm referring to...wanted some shoes.

Not just any shoes, mind you. These shoes have a limited run. They're some of them LeBron James shoes. The Lebron x Denims...the greatest shoes of this week. Next week, look out for the Shaq Diesel Bigfoot Reissue (don't bother, they don't exist)...

Manbutthese (it's a word...cause I said so) shoes...only 22 pairs available at this particular location in Atlanta, Georgia. A place called "Wish." A shoe store...called...Wish...

LOOK AT THEM!!!

Who...pray tell...WHO would want these foot coverings so badly that they would be willing to steal them while shoe hungry aficionados deliberately waited in line to simply own a pair of these limited edition pieces of cloth? The answer...some dead guy.

The story goes as such...

Man attempts to steal shoes. Another line sitter does not like this...so he shoots the thief dead. I'm not kidding. There's blood on these shoes. After shooting this would-be shoe thief, the man casually steps back into the line to wait to purchase his magnificent pair of what I'd now like to refer to as "The Shoes of Certain Doom." Charges pressed? Nah. Police are going to classify this as "self-defense" Now listen here, because I'm only going to type this once...today...

THEY"RE FUCKING SHOES, MAN! I MEAN...SHOES! FOOT COVERINGS! DO THEY CURE CANCER? CAN THEY HIDE YOUR SINS FROM THE EYES OF SOME PREVIOUSLY UNMENTIONED DEITY THAT YOU SOMETIMES SACRIFICE SMALL ANIMALS TO? WHAT IS THIS FORGOTTEN GODS NAME AND WHAT ARE HIS OR HER AIMS? IS IT THE GOD OF SHOES? WHAT, DAMN IT,  IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT SHOES? WHERE'S THE TRIGGER? WHO DOES THE JOKER WORK FOR? IT'S A MAD HOUSE! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

*cough* I digress...

We've gotten to the point that someone can shoot ya...to death...because they stole some shoes...and you can pretend it was as routine as taking a healthy dump. Sure, everybody does it...usually in private...unless you're a homeless...then you just poo where you want, no questions asked...

This is not a joke. This, my dear readers, is a thing that happened over shoes. Stupid...stupid...stupid shoes. 

"I salute the homie that did that." - Direct quote from someone who wasn't even there...also...Plato...circa, never...

I assume this stock photo above is who perpetrated the quote. Seems legit...

Methinks I would never really kill somebody for something as ridiculous as shoes...

However...if they were these shoes...

I'd kick you directly in the nuts/veejay until  the natural heat death of the universe to rock a pair of these nasty hogs...even for one glorious second...

Lunatic...out...

-T

What In The Nine Hells Is This?

Here's the low down of how I'm gonna bring this white noise to you...the public.

Tuesdays will provide a new post for your viewing pleasure...

Thursdays will provide something of the same...

I'd like to answer questions as well, so please, leave questions in the comments section. I'll keep an eye on them and perhaps reserve Fridays for that funocity (new word...suck it)

If you've got feelings, leave them at the door. I won't censor myself here. Most of my things are PG-13, but I ain't scared of no hard R if I feel it's necessary.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for breathing. Thanks for giving me something to do to fill a little time during the week.

-T

LOOK OUT! IT'S THE SUNDAY LIST OF RANDOM RAMBLINGS...

There are many things in life I enjoy doing. I'm a gamer, a reader, a runner, a talker, a writer, a lover, a drummer...lots of things. One thing I've done over the last 9 months is amuse myself an others with lists of whatever happens to cross my mind. For example, I once made a list of excellent Death Metal band names, on a whim. Why not...right? Don't hurt nobody..

Here's a list of things that hurt people. (Caution...spoilers)

1) Batman (get used to seeing THIS guy)
2) Cars (not just a form of transport and redneckery)
3) Meteors
4) Internet Memes
5) splinters
6) Splinter (see what I did there?)
7) Second-Hand Smoke
8) First Hand Smoke
9) Hands in general regardless of their queue
10) Smog
11) Falling safes (courtesy of the ACME company)
12) Banana Peels
13) Thumb tacks
14) Body Wax
15) Brick Sacks
16) Nick-Knacks
17) Apple Jacks?
18) Poorly Constructed Rhyme Schemes
19) Undeserved notions of self importance
20) Suplexes (the types of which are nearly limitless)
21) Escaped animals
22) Escaped convicts
23) Escaped bullets cleverly hidden inside guns
24) Stairs
25) Elevator shafts
26) Piracy (it hurts everyone...or so I'm told)
27) Unfriending a Facebooker (yeah...really...)
28) Unliking a post (yeah...really...)
29) Labels
30) Gluten...I suppose...
31) Gluten-free (we're becoming weaker as a species)
33) The Number 32 (purposely omitted)
34) Your mom (face it...she hurt you at least once...just own it)
35) The Freys (still pissed)
36) The Monkey Bars
37) Toes (gotta stub something)
38) The thing you stubbed your toe ON
39) Monster Squad (remember that scene where Frankenstein gets sucked into Limbo? Yeah...you probably cried...SEE...SPOILER!)
and last but definitely not least
40) Biting your fingernails but you don't bite enough and then you rip off the rest but it turns out that it tears all funny and then your finger bleeds and you forget about it and then later you go to touch something...like chips...and you forget about your gross finger-wound and then the chip dust gets in there giving you a fierce reminder that you shouldn't bite your nails...yeah...well that...

This is my first shot at doing this thing, so if you dig it, let me know. I will post a new list every Sunday. Other posts will include some daily observations that will hopefully make you chuckle...think...get mad at...anything to get something out of you. I look forward to your feedback...or maybe I don't...

-T