LeBron X Denims...A story about killing for shoes...

I've had a bunch of shoes in my short life. Plenty of types in fact...

But have I ever had to kill to get them? The right answer here is of course "No. I've never had to kill...for shoes..."

This little gem of a story made me chuckle for a few reasons...the first of which was that the shooting in question has been justified in some sort of strange way. We, as a thinking and sometimes rational species tend to want certain things in life. I, for example, would love to own a platinum car that turns into a representation of Grimlock from the Transformers. Admit it...that would be rad. The dead guy I'm referring to...wanted some shoes.

Not just any shoes, mind you. These shoes have a limited run. They're some of them LeBron James shoes. The Lebron x Denims...the greatest shoes of this week. Next week, look out for the Shaq Diesel Bigfoot Reissue (don't bother, they don't exist)...

Manbutthese (it's a word...cause I said so) shoes...only 22 pairs available at this particular location in Atlanta, Georgia. A place called "Wish." A shoe store...called...Wish...

LOOK AT THEM!!!

Who...pray tell...WHO would want these foot coverings so badly that they would be willing to steal them while shoe hungry aficionados deliberately waited in line to simply own a pair of these limited edition pieces of cloth? The answer...some dead guy.

The story goes as such...

Man attempts to steal shoes. Another line sitter does not like this...so he shoots the thief dead. I'm not kidding. There's blood on these shoes. After shooting this would-be shoe thief, the man casually steps back into the line to wait to purchase his magnificent pair of what I'd now like to refer to as "The Shoes of Certain Doom." Charges pressed? Nah. Police are going to classify this as "self-defense" Now listen here, because I'm only going to type this once...today...

THEY"RE FUCKING SHOES, MAN! I MEAN...SHOES! FOOT COVERINGS! DO THEY CURE CANCER? CAN THEY HIDE YOUR SINS FROM THE EYES OF SOME PREVIOUSLY UNMENTIONED DEITY THAT YOU SOMETIMES SACRIFICE SMALL ANIMALS TO? WHAT IS THIS FORGOTTEN GODS NAME AND WHAT ARE HIS OR HER AIMS? IS IT THE GOD OF SHOES? WHAT, DAMN IT,  IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT SHOES? WHERE'S THE TRIGGER? WHO DOES THE JOKER WORK FOR? IT'S A MAD HOUSE! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

*cough* I digress...

We've gotten to the point that someone can shoot ya...to death...because they stole some shoes...and you can pretend it was as routine as taking a healthy dump. Sure, everybody does it...usually in private...unless you're a homeless...then you just poo where you want, no questions asked...

This is not a joke. This, my dear readers, is a thing that happened over shoes. Stupid...stupid...stupid shoes. 

"I salute the homie that did that." - Direct quote from someone who wasn't even there...also...Plato...circa, never...

I assume this stock photo above is who perpetrated the quote. Seems legit...

Methinks I would never really kill somebody for something as ridiculous as shoes...

However...if they were these shoes...

I'd kick you directly in the nuts/veejay until  the natural heat death of the universe to rock a pair of these nasty hogs...even for one glorious second...

Lunatic...out...

-T